Crave

A monologue from the Sarah Kane’s play "Crave".

Everything we feel but most of the times not being able to express them, everything some of our partners cannot hear from us.


And I want to play hide-and-seek
and give you my clothes
and tell you I like your shoes
and sit on the steps while you take a bath
and massage your neck
and kiss your feet
and hold your hand
and go for a meal
and not mind when you eat my food
and meet you at Rudy's
and talk about the day
and type your letters
and carry your boxes
and laugh at your paranoia
and give you tapes you don't listen to
and watch great films
and watch terrible films
and complain about the radio
and take pictures of you when you're sleeping
and get up to fetch you coffee and bagels and Danish
and go to Florent and drink coffee at midnight
and have you steal my cigarettes and never be able to find a match
and tell you about the programme I saw the night before
and take you to the eye hospital
and not laugh at your jokes
and want you in the morning but let you sleep for a while
and kiss your back
and stroke your skin and tell you how much I love your hair your eyes your lips your neck your breasts your arse your...
and sit on the steps smoking till your neighbour comes home
and sit on the steps smoking till you come home
and worry when you're late
and be amazed when you're early
and give you sunflowers
and go to your party
and dance till I'm black
and be sorry when I'm wrong and happy when you forgive me
and look at your photos and wish I'd known you forever
and hear your voice in my ear
and feel your skin on my skin
and get scared when you're angry
and your eye has gone red and the other eye blue
and your hair to the left
and your face oriental
and tell you you're gorgeous and hug you when you're anxious
and hold you when you hurt
and want you when I smell you
and offend you when I touch you
and whimper when I'm next to you and whimper when I'm not
and dribble on your breast and smother you in the night
and get cold when you take the blanket
and hot when you don't
and melt when you smile and dissolve when you laugh
and not understand why you think I'm rejecting you when I'm not rejecting you
and wonder how you could think I'd ever reject you
and wonder who you are but accept you anyway
and tell you about the tree angel enchanted forest boy who flew across the ocean because he loved you
and write poems for you
and wonder why you don't believe me
and have a feeling so deep I can't find words for it
and want to buy you a kitten I'd get jealous of because it would get more attention than me
and keep you in bed when you have to go
and cry like a baby when you finally do
and get rid of the roaches
and buy you presents you don't want
and take them away again
and ask you to marry me
and you say no again but keep on asking because though you think I don't mean it I do always have from the first time I asked you
and wander the city thinking it's empty without you
and want what you want
and think I'm losing myself but know I'm safe with you
and tell you the worst of me
and try to give you the best of me because you don't deserve any less
and answer your questions when I'd rather not
and tell you the truth when I really don’t' want to
and try to be honest because I know you prefer it
and think it's all over but hang on in for just ten more minutes before you throw me out of your life
and forget who I am and try to get closer to you because it's a beautiful learning to know you
and well worth the effort
and speak German to you badly
and Hebrew to you worse
and make love with you at three in the morning and somehow communicate some of the
overwhelming
undying
overpowering
unconditional
all-encompassing
heart-enriching
mind-expanding
on-going
never-ending LOVE I have for you.